Spark Romance Through Snail Mail
This year, in honor of Father’s Day, why not write a romantic, sappy, or heartfelt card to your boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse? He is used to getting ties, packages of underwear, and burnt pancakes in bed. I bet he would be surprised and happy to receive a flirtatious letter, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the romance it kindles.
When Mike and I first began dating, we lived 115.6 miles apart. Much of our early relationship was conducted over phone and text conversations, but we also communicated by regular U.S. Mail. I enjoyed flirting with him through our “snail mail” letters, and Mike must have enjoyed this as well because he kept every letter I sent him. I often imagined the shock and surprise of his mail person because instead of addressing my flirty letters to Mike by his name, I addressed them to parts of his body or cute names I made up for him, such as:
• Mike’s Heart
• Mike’s Lips
• Number 1 Boyfriend
• Julie’s Soul Matey
• The Man I Love to Kiss
• My Lobster
• My Favorite Jenga Opponent
• The Love of My Life
• The Best Boyfriend in The World
• My Hero
Here’s an example of a flirtatious letter I sent.
To Mike’s Left Ear,
I wanted to write you this letter to apologize for how I treated you when we first met. It was easy to overlook you at first because I was distracted by your flashier twin, right ear. He drew me in with empty promises and begged me to bestow kiss upon kiss onto him. But, when I gave him my love, he smiled and offered nothing in return. Right ear was a taker. He made promise after promise of what was to come, but then he left me sitting home alone, wondering where I had gone wrong.
Then, last weekend, I met you, left ear. At first, I thought, “NO, you’re not my type. You are the exact OPPOSITE of the ear that I thought I loved so much. How could I love something so completely different?” But, left ear, you stood there with nothing to offer but your leftness; you were different–so different. And, that intrigued me. You never asked for my kisses. You just stood there and offered yourself to me. Left ear, you were a giver, and you asked for nothing in return. Finally, I began to be curious about you. If I touched you with my lips, would I feel even close to the same passion that I felt for right ear? Even though you were so completely different from left ear, could I feel for you even a fraction of what I felt for right ear? Finally, I could no longer fight my burning curiosity. I leaned in toward you and touched my lips to your warm, soft lobe. The sound that came out of the mouth just below you–that sound of exhalation when something eagerly anticipated finally happens–was exciting. I felt bumps rise on the skin surrounding you, left ear, and I knew instantly the depth of your feelings for me. Your response to me caused a flood of emotions to flow out of my heart, emotions that I didn’t know I had or could have.
I know now, left ear, that I was made for you. You are the love of my life, and I only want you. I think about you all the time and imagine kissing you and whispering into you, and then hearing words come out of the mouth below you. The words that come out make my heart sing.
I don’t think about right ear anymore. I know that he is your counterpart, and, in some ways, he might be similar to you, but you are so unique to me. He is only a few inches away from you, but now that I know you he seems like he’s from a different planet.
So, left ear, I love you. I hope that you will say that you love me, too. I can’t Imagine life without you in it.
The woman who can’t get enough of Mike’s left ear.
P.S. I love you, Mike.